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17 November 2028 @ 04:57 pm

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Feeling: crankycranky
Listening To: Yellowcard - Empty Apartment | Powered by Last.fm
02 January 2011 @ 11:42 pm
You hurt me so much. Everything you say is so hurtful. You may provide for my material needs, but trust me, it's not enough.
You don't make the effort to wait for me, to talk to me nicely about my interests. What makes you think I'd want to get to know you more?
I can never be good enough. Everything I do isn't enough. For you. I will always remember when you told me my best wasn't enough. And you told me to go fuck off. Yes dear mother, what a great example.
You always have such offensive statements on loop, isn't it only natural that I turn to others to seek solace?
Don't  blame me when I grow up and turn away from you.
You never listen to my advice, from which baked goods to purchase to the new laptop. You only listen to your friends.
Now don't tell me I only care about my friends. It's pretty dang obvious it goes the same for you.

You're cruel.
Without a father, you know how important a motherly figure is to me.
If being a mother means being like you, I will never be one
Don't you ever dare  say that I'm rude because I've never known my father.
I'm rude because I choose to be.
My father has nothing to do with it.
You act as though you're the only one who suffered a painful loss.
Wake up please.
You're not all that one-of-a-kind.

It hurts so much more that the very person I must first love, is unlovable.
Feeling: tiredtired
Listening To: 3685-The Spill Canvas
06 November 2010 @ 12:09 am

i want to go out! I want to go cycling, running, painting, cooking, shopping whatever there is to do. Just that nobody's free to do that kinda thing with me.Sigh. My mum sent home the monster maid who ate practically everything so now we've been reduced to doing our own household chores, which I utterly hate.

The recent accusations about the rape-dol (This term is so not cute) , are rather disturbing.Appearently she was raped by the guy in middle school years ago, he has recently debuted in a korean pop group and I guess she couldn't stand him being plastered everywhere so she spoke out. (Csn you imagine being raped and then seeing your friends fawning over the guy who tore your clothes off?) 
The response to the victim was rather disheartening. People blaming the victim, asking her for proof, what proof do they want? Swabs of semen from her shirt ? It was years ago, why the hell would she have physical evidence? Saying "Why didn't she come out earlier with this information?" The only things rape victims feel are shame and embarassment (Mainly because of people like them who make such ignorant comments) , they probably just want to crawl into a hole and never come out . Much less let their body be examined by total strangers, recount their terrifying experience  and even testify against their attacker who would most probably be in the same room. Only 6% of rape cases get reported, you know why? Because of people like them, immature and should be killed. I feel that in a rape case the accused should be guilty until proven innoccent. If theaccused is proven to be innoccent then good for him, though it may leave a bitter taste and anger over doubts , it's safe to say that it's not longer his problem because it's not like he faced the 'rape'.

However if he's found to be guilty, what about the poor girl who had to face doubts of others, the shame of a physical examination? She's the one who had the traumatic experience, why is it that she's the one being doubted and ridiculed?("If you're raped by someone as attractive, shouldn't you be thankful" yes that was one of the comments made)
I looked through some feminist articles
One really struck me ,by Jet @ I am Not cake

Today, I’m angry about rape culture. Having to explain to someone near and dear to me, yet again, that rape ‘jokes’ are not funny puts me in foul mood. So I’m going to lay it out for you. If you’re the sort of person who can tell a joke about rape (unless you’re a survivor), then perhaps you’ve not ever had reason to consider how fucked up our culture is about women and sexual assault. I’m here to tell you it is, and here’s why. (*)

As a woman, a corner of my brain is always assessing whether the men around me are about to do something that will put me in danger of sexual assault.

If I should be assaulted, I will be asked to explain my choice to be at the location of the assault, especially if I am alone. Unless a secondary charge of break and enter applies – a separate crime that will be treated differently and without bias – my assailant will not.

If I should be assaulted, I will be asked to explain my clothing choices. My assailant’s clothing will be considered irrelevant.

If I should know my assailant by name, I will be asked to detail all previous interactions with him. I will be asked to prove that no previous interaction could be held up as “leading him on”. If my previous interactions appear to do this, my assailant will be seen as less responsible for his assault on me. My assailant’s previous actions will count against him only if I have demonstrably never interacted with him – that is, only if he has engaged in provable stalking.

If I should be assaulted whilst alone with a man I have chosen to accompany, whether it be to a car for a lift, on a first date, or a quiet corner at a party or nightclub, I will be asked to explain why I chose to be alone with him. My assailant will not be asked to explain what intentions he communicated to me when I made my decision.

If I should be assaulted whilst intoxicated, mildly or otherwise, I will be asked to explain why I chose to become intoxicated. My assailant’s actions will be judged less harshly if I am intoxicated. My assailant will not be asked to justify his intoxication, and his actions will be judged still less harshly should he be so.

If I should be assaulted after I have engaged in consensual romantic contact with my assailant, such as kissing or touching, I will be asked to explain why I chose to do so. I will be asked to explain why I chose to stop. My assailant will not be asked why he chose to continue.

If I should be assaulted under any circumstances, I will be asked to prove that I clearly, loudly and verbally said the word, “No,” or the word, “Stop.” I will be asked to prove that my assailant heard and understood me. If I indicated my lack of consent in any other way, such as screaming, running, crying, freezing, scratching, kicking, hitting, speaking words other than “no” or “stop”, or if I said the words “don’t” and “stop” close to one other, or if I was not loud enough when I spoke them, my assailant will be judged less harshly. This is especially so if I have given consent to a certain act, but not to another. My assailant will not be asked to prove that I clearly, loudly and verbally said the word, “Yes.

If I should be assaulted, but not physically injured or not visibly physically injured, I will be asked to explain why I consider my assailant’s act to be assault. My assailant will be treated less harshly if I am not visibly injured.

If I should be assaulted, various people will attempt to convince me that my experience does not count as assault, or that my experience is not serious enough to pursue criminally, legally or otherwise officially. These people may be my family, my friends, law enforcement personnel, medical personnel, legal practitioners, employers, media, members of the public, and my assailant himself. The same people may try to convince my assailant that what he did was not assault.

Should my assault take the form of rape, and should the media report on it, it is likely that the word ‘rape’ will not be used in reporting. Instead, articles will state that I ‘had sex with’ my rapist. It is likely that articles will focus on me and my actions, not that of my rapist. In some articles, if it is acknowledged that I was raped, there will be no mention of my rapist at all. Instead, the article will state that ‘a woman was raped’. My rapist will not have his actions examined by the media.

Should I be assaulted by one or more young boys or teenagers, especially if I am a young woman of similar age, their actions may be explained and accepted as “boys will be boys,” or “sowing wild oats”. If their assault on me is their first sexual experience, this will be especially true. My assailant or assailants’ actions will be judged less harshly, and in some circles, congratulated. I will be called a slut.

Should I be assaulted, and my appearance is such that I am not considered to be sexually attractive, due to my age, weight or physical features, I will be told I should be grateful for my assault. Some will tell me I am engaging in wishful thinking, and that my assault could not have happened. My assailant may be ridiculed for his choice of victim, unless he was intoxicated when he assaulted me. I will feel humiliated, and my assault will still have happened.

Should I be assaulted, and also suffer a preexisting physical or intellectual disability, I may struggle to communicate what has happened to me. If I cannot speak, the tools provided to me to communicate with others may lack ways to articulate sexual assault. I may be considered to be confused about what happened to me. Depending on my disability, some may consider me “lucky” to be assaulted. My assailant, if convicted, will be reviled more than if I did not suffer a disability. Why is this?

Should I be assaulted by a person who is regarded as a celebrity, the fact of their celebrity will be used as an argument or proof of why my assault could not have occurred. I will be asked to explain why my assailant, widely believed to be “a nice guy”, would assault me. I will be asked to explain why my right to justice is worth more than my assailant’s career. I will be asked to prove that I am not pursuing my complaint for monetary gain. My assailant will be presumed innocent, or presumed above the law.

Should I be coerced or threatened before I am assaulted, so that I am silent or so that I perform the acts demanded of me out of fear, I will be asked to explain why my compliance under threat does not amount to consent. My assailant will not be asked to justify his threats to me.

If I should have a previous sexual relationship with my assailant, no matter how long ago or how briefly, I will be asked to explain my sexual life in minute detail. If my explanation includes a suggestion that I may enjoy or have a history of rough sex, my assailant’s actions may be judged reasonable and my accusation unfounded. My assailant will not be asked to detail his sexual history.

If I should decide to report my assault, aware of the above, I will be one of 15% of assaulted Australian women who choose to do so every year. I have a 17% chance of seeing my assailant convicted. Should my case go to trial, it is likely that I will be asked all of these questions when I am on the witness stand. My assailant and his legal team will try to convince the jury of my peers – the same peers who fill comment threads with victim-blaming statements all over the internet – that I am a slut and deserved my assault, or that I am lying about being assaulted, or that I wanted to be assaulted, or that I consented to the assault and later changed my mind.

To disprove “beyond reasonable doubt”, all my assailant must do is convince some of my juror peers that any of these may be true. Convincing evidence may not need to be presented.

Should I choose to report my assault, I will stand public trial for having a vagina. If I am sexually active, I will stand trial for using my vagina. My assailant will not stand trial for possessing a penis. His sexual history will not be public record.

This is rape culture, patriarchy, a legal system suffering from cultural bias. And no, rape is not fucking funny.

* (Yes, I know men can be sexually assaulted too. Yes, I know women can be sexual predators too. I do not wish to minimize or obscure these facts. However, for the purposes of this rant, I am speaking for the overwhelmingly greater prevalence of male assaults on women. That said, should my brother be assaulted by a woman, especially if she is considered conventionally attractive, then he will be told he’s lucky and should have enjoyed it. That’s just as goddamn fucked up.)

It really made me think, when someone reports a robbery nobody called them the person who was allegedly robbed, if someone was pickpocketed, nobody would call them the alleged victim of pickpocketing, but why do we call them alleged victims of rape? Because their statement is full of loopholes? No , because the sexist in us believes that the women (jsyk women are usually stereotyped as sex objects or the "vixen") is lying because she has something to gain out of it. What she gains falsely accusing someone, braving the physical examinations and countless stares , I don't know, you tell me.

Stop policing women’s sexual choices. No. No exceptions, no ifs, buts or maybes. Just stop it.

No. My decision to have sex does not constitute ‘risky behaviour’. Dancing on train tracks constitutes risky behaviour.

Rape is not caused by my decision to have sex. It is caused by the decision of a rapist to rape me.

Rape is not caused by my skirt, my t-shirt, my halter-top, my lycra jumpsuit, my boots, my grandfather’s hand-me-down cardigan, or my goddamn see-through bra with the plastic goldfish inside. It is caused by the decision of a rapist to rape me.

Rape is not caused by my presence at a party, on a street, at a nightclub, in my car, in my home, in a park, or in a hotel room full of football players. It is caused by the decision of a rapist, or multiple rapists, to rape me.

Rape is not caused by any of my previous decisions to have sex. It is caused by the decision of a rapist to rape me.

Rape is not caused by my decision to have sex with more than one person at a time. It is caused by the decision of a rapist to rape me.

Future acts of rape are not caused by my choice to report or not report my rape. They are caused by the decision of a rapist to continue raping.

Stop trying to draw a causal link between what a woman can control, and the decision of a rapist to rape. There isn’t one. There has never been one. There will never be one.

Rape happens because rapists decide it will happen. Policing women’s sexual choices is bullshit, and a misdirection of your energy. Stop doing it.

This angers me, my own mother believes that we women are the cause of  rape. What the hell, it's not like my miniskirt is printed with the words " TAKE ME NOW", so what if I wear a miniskirt, it doesn't mean I want to get raped.
This really brings up the feminist in me.
Feeling: blankblank
Listening To: Ladies-Nine Muses
18 October 2010 @ 09:38 pm

(Please be my genie and buy me lots of naize things)
I've come to the conclusion that I should make a wishlist since my birthday is coming and I really don't want people to get me stuff I'm not going to use , in turn wasting their money.
It's rather self absorbed and materialistic plus I sound really bitchy but it's your money and my space you're gonna waste by buying me things I don't like.
By the way, please do not buy me any kpop stuff like stickers, posters and name tags.
I don't want people to spend money on things that I'll grow out of.
please be genie for my wish.Collapse )
Feeling: busybusy
Listening To: Gee- SNSD
31 August 2010 @ 10:09 pm
Title: Always (1/3)
Pairing: Sunye/Donghae , ninja!Sunmi/Changmin (Other chapters)
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Bring them all to where I am waiting for you;
We shall be alone; We shall always be you and I; Alone on Earth, To start our life! -Pablo Neruda
Note: First fic, go easy on me,Set in Gossip Girl AU, Fic is not written in chronological order.
Beta'd by hurricanecat  who gave me the guts to post this.

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Feeling: anxiousanxious